Starting the second trimester vs. closing out at the end of 27 weeks!
Dear Baby,
Here we are at the end of my second trimester and while I don’t have a strong feeling as to whether you are a boy or a girl, I can tell you like to move! All day long you keep me company, gently nudging me as if to say “don’t forget I’m here.” Recently Nadia noticed I was looking at myself in the mirror and asked why. I told her I was looking at the baby and she said “Oh, you are looking at me?” So, here it goes– the beginnings of sharing my attention between my two babies. Well, three if you count your dad!
Nadia is hard at work preparing to be your big sister. She has a collection of baby dolls that confusingly are all named Baby as well as a purple teddy bear and blue elephant that I’m told are the mother and father. This spring she was hard at work changing their diapers round the clock, but recently she told me they are learning to use the potty and now they wear panties. They also take a lot of naps. If you sleep anything like Nadia, she’s going to be in for a rude awakening as to how real babies sleep. Often when we leave the house, Nadia asks “Can I bring my baby?” So, I guess you could say we’re practicing getting out the door in the mornings with two kids.
I feel so large with this pregnancy. Surely my stomach wasn’t this large until the last month or two of Nadia’s pregnancy, so I’m afraid the next three months may feel a bit long. I am still exercising and the women at my step aerobics class swear you’re going to jump right out when the time is right. My yoga teacher has started to make some adjustments since I can’t do Cobra or a few other poses anymore. It’s awfully sweet that she’s turned our regular Hatha yoga class into a prenatal class so that I can still participate.
I can’t think of too many weird cravings, although it’s been a hot summer and ice cream usually is on my mind. I’m not convinced that’s any different than usual. I certainly have cravings to be alone! I feel like I am often trying to sneak off to enjoy some time to myself to read a book or do a little project. After being a mom for these last few years, I realize my time to myself is numbered. But, I’m also getting excited with the prospects of getting nap trapped during maternity leave with a good book or a new TV series.
It seems like more people say they think you may be a boy, but Nadia and your dad are hoping for a girl. We are having the hardest time thinking of names, but we still have a few more months to be inspired. I think we know your name if you are a girl, but there’s no front runner in the boy’s department.
I have been telling Nadia for months that when we put up the Christmas tree it will be just about time for you to be born. While shopping, today Nadia and I saw a selection of artificial Christmas trees and Nadia said “When the Christmas tree is up, baby will be born!” Can’t believe you will soon be here! Can’t wait to see you!
I did write this at the very end of my first trimester, but I just didn’t feel like sharing the news (widely) yet. I really savored having that special time when only Daniel and my doctor knew I finally conceived. We told Nadia about the baby after the ultrasound, but I again wanted time to really let her come around to the idea of being a big sister before too many others made a fuss. Of course my in-laws found out early, but that was mostly because we were on vacation with them when I was about 8 weeks and I figured they might wonder why I wasn’t drinking, was often nauseas, and went to bed promptly at 8:30 🙂
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Dear Baby,
After many rounds of unsuccessful fertility treatments last year, after Christmas your dad and I decided to take a break from trying to conceive. There were so many times last year when I was just late enough and I was so hopeful to be pregnant. Each month I grieved the loss of the possibility of you, my sweet second baby.
Then in early 2023, I spent some time reimagining what our lives might look like as a family of three. Your dad and I started pulling ideas for the kitchen renovation we had previously thought would be out of the budget for a while, we planned (and took!) a trip to Puerto Rico, and we just focused on enjoying our family. During that time, we joined the YMCA so your dad and I could take step aerobics classes together on Saturday mornings—we had not done that since Nadia was born. I found a yoga class and went to therapy. After a few months, I really felt at home in my body again.
We thought this spring we would do a few more rounds of fertility treatments, but sure enough, the week before Easter we found out that you were on the way! Your dad always figured you would come when we stopped trying, and he was right. I wish you could have made your presence known a LITTLE later so I could have enjoyed a mojito on vacation, but alas you are worth it! I joke that you must have FOMO and just couldn’t stand to miss our vacation! It really was a great trip! Awesome beaches, hiking, and so much fun visiting with family.
Mostly, this has been a healthy pregnancy so far. The first month I felt more tired than I ever have in my life. Truly I would fall asleep while putting Nadia to bed, wake up in a daze, and wonder back to my own bed by 9:30. Even now, it is definitely a struggle to stay awake past ten. Eventually I realized with this pregnancy, I don’t get hungry but instead get nauseous. A few proactive snacks have made a big difference.
During the first few weeks, it truly felt comparable to when my milk came in after giving birth to Nadia. I had so much tenderness and weird soreness. To match my Dolly Parton-esque figure, I definitely am showing a little baby bump. Eventually people will probably wonder why I have been wearing so many flowy tops. But, for now you are our little secret and we love you.
Probably my favorite task of this pregnancy was picking out some Christmas pjs for you and announcing the pregnancy to my parents on Mother’s day. They guessed my news after I turned down wine at a few family dinners; they were excited to be right!
I think we will wait to keep your sex a surprise. It does seem like my symptoms have been a little different than my pregnancy with Nadia, so maybe you’re a boy. Dad doesn’t have a guess either way. We can’t seem to agree on names yet, so hopefully inspiration will strike!
My paternal grandmother passed away in May and while of course I was sad about the news, it had not fully hit me. Life as a working parent doesn’t leave a whole lot of time to dwell on things, since it’s mostly a GO, GO, GO, rinse, wash, and repeat lifestyle.
Yesterday my parents watched Nadia, so I could pack for the trip to Upstate New York for Grandma Terry’s funeral this week. We chatted for a while when I picked up Nadia and my dad showed me two gigantic zucchinis from their garden. Usually overgrown zucchinis tend to be bland and I wanted an excuse to bake zucchini bread so I took one home. This morning when I flipped through my recipe box, I noticed a recipe for zucchini bread written in my sister’s handwriting. Upon reading the ingredients (whole wheat flour, no sugar only barley malt) it definitely had all the markings of a Grandma Terry recipe, so I figured I would give it a try.
Baking the bread, I finally had a chance to really reflect on the loss of my grandmother. I always thought she was so strange as a child, mostly because her life was so different from mine. She lived her whole life in Upstate New York; for the last few decades she lived in a modest red house amongst pine trees that backed up to the Independence River. My grandparent’s life was quiet and simple– she always grew a big vegetable garden, knew everything going on at their church, enjoyed cross country skiing in the winter, and she made all kinds of food since she largely avoided processed foods due to having diabetes and heart disease. As a child I always thought their life seemed so strange– hardly any TV, no junk food, and no AC in the summer! My (step)grandpa had a workshop on their property and a big highlight as a kid was going on a tractor ride in the summer.
I’m really grateful that I had the opportunity to get to know my grandmother when I was a young adult over long weekend visits with my dad for the town field days and other random family events. Many of the things that seemed so weird as a kid, made more sense as an adult. Being at her house was so peaceful. I remember visiting for her 85th birthday one January and being awed watching the snowfall and walking down to the river with my uncles and cousins. During summer visits, her simple snacks of watermelon, berries, and mixed nuts really hit the spot. It turns out there was a method to her madness.
As an adult, I have a greater understanding of the many sacrifices she made raising her family. She was widowed while pregnant with her seventh child and prior to that was single parent while her husband served in WWII and later she lost a baby to a childhood illness. It is hard to comprehend facing that level of grief and still somehow going on to raise six well-adjusted children and working a career as a home-economics teacher.
Heck, sometimes it’s hard getting out the door on a weekday morning and I have a very supportive husband and only have one child. Imagine doing that with six children? Of course other things were different– she had neighbors who were like family and helped a lot with the children– not to mention a network of extended family who visited frequently.
As a kid I wondered why she insisted on giving gifts of stock instead of buying toys at Christmas or birthdays like my other grandparents. Of course as a young adult, I certainly appreciated her thoughtfulness when I used it towards buying a car. Now that I’m raising a daughter I really appreciate her minimalism– I’m always preaching “please less gifts”– since my daughter tends to play better with a smaller selection of open-ended toys than lots of flashy things. While I’m not a cross-country skier, I think of Grandma Terry when we hike along the James River. I certainly share her love of nature.
Lastly, I appreciate her generosity. When I was a college student, Grandma Terry always sent a check to help cover the cost of textbooks. When I think about how many grandchildren she had, that was no small gift those four years. Or the summer before I got married, when she took me to her closet so I could pick a family quilt as a wedding gift. I picked one made by great-great grandma Marian Schwenk–what a treasure to have a piece of family history. Even her crazy low sugar, low salt diet– that was another act of sacrifice and act of generosity to ensure she would be around to see her grandchildren and many great-grandchildren be born. Many of her siblings passed away prematurely largely due to complications of heart disease and diabetes.
So, thank you Grandma Terry for the recipe (which was pretty tasty, even though it wasn’t very sweet) and the gift of your life. It will be incredibly weird to be in New York without you this week. I will always think of you when I eat cranberry sauce (and the story of Jessica crying upon taking a bite of your homemade cranberry sauce sweetened only with apple juice). Rest in peace, Grandma, you are loved and missed.
Zucchini Bread by Terry Cataldo
3 eggs, beaten slightly
1/2 cup oil
1/2 cup applesauce
2 cups grated zucchini (try to squeeze out the extra water)
1/2 cup barley malt (I presume honey or maple syrup would also work)
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 1/2 cups flour
2 cups whole wheat flour
3/4 cup walnuts (toasted for about 5 minutes while the oven preheats)
3/4 cup raisins
1/2 cup wheat germ
1/2 tsp. baking soda
2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
2 1/2 tsp. cinnamon.
Directions: Combine wet ingredients and stir to mix. In a separate bowl, sift the dry ingredients and then add combine them with the wet ingredients.
Bake in 2 loaf pans (greased and floured) at 350 for 45-60 minutes. Cool for 10 minutes in pan. These can also be baked as muffins or drop cookies (with a shorter baking time).
After a very long time of being cautious due to COVID and rebuilding PTO after a maternity leave and countless sick days due to having a child in daycare during a pandemic, we finally took a REAL VACATION. It was everything we hoped for and more.
Over Christmas, Daniel and his dad were up late drinking rum and talking about whatever men talk about while their wives are asleep. Apparently, the conversation ended with a decision that this was the year they were going to Puerto Rico. When Daniel shared the plan with me, I was happy to say yes! Since I joined the family, I’ve always wanted to see the island. A week of eating fried plantains (tostones), mixed drinks, and plenty of time at the beach seemed like a no-brainer.
This was definitely the “biggest” vacation we have taken with Nadia, and she did so well with all the new experiences! Since this was her first time on an airplane, we read lots of library books about airplanes and trips to get ready. Bearplane by Deborah Underwood was my favorite (https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/58936390)– it was so cute when Nadia told us she was going on her “Bear plane today.” She loved riding the bus after parking the car at the airport, trying to run away at the security screening, and standing on the moveable sidewalk in the airport.
Nadia seemed a little nervous during take-off on the plane, but she enjoyed looking out the window. We read plenty of books, had lots of snacks, and she got a special sticker book and coloring book to stay busy! I was prepared for the worst, but honestly flying with her was a breeze. So glad we waited until she was a little older to fly!
When we landed in Puerto Rico we quickly discovered that while our cellphone plan had service TO Puerto Rico, but not service IN Puerto Rico. That made it a little stressful to meet up with Daniel’s parents, but we managed thanks to airport wifi. That first night, Nadia scarfed down a big plate of rice & beans, chicken, and tostones. All that travel worked up an appetite.
We were so fortunate that Daniel’s aunt generously let us stay with her in Fajardo on the Northeast part of the Island. The next morning, we took a short car ride to the local beach in her neighborhood. I was blown away by the clear, bright blue water and Nadia loved climbing into the Lifeguard chair. We also went to church that day, where we quickly realized Nadia’s antics were NOT appreciated by the older lady in front. Apparently Puerto Rican toddlers must be better behaved at church; instead Daniel walked Nadia around the courtyard and took some cute pictures in between rain storms.
During our next sunny day, we did some sight-seeing in Old San Juan. I loved the colorful buildings and the old forts. We tried a Piragua, which is similar to a snow cone– Nadia really loved it. Very refreshing while walking around a hot city. Before we left on the trip, we got a picture book about San Juan and Nadia was excited to see most of the places from her book. She especially enjoyed walking people fly kites at El Morro.
I had two favorite places on our trip–one was El Yungue Rain Forest– it was so lush and green. Prior to this trip, my only experience with a rain forest was the top floor of the Baltimore Aquarium, but the real deal was much better! Some of the trails were still closed after the last major hurricane, but I really enjoyed hiking to Mount Britton and then the El Yungue trail. It was just so peaceful being in nature.
My second favorite spot was a more secluded beach that we called “Secret Beach.” Basically, we followed a short trail at the end of the Seven Seas beach in Fajardo and followed the trail to get to two more secluded beaches. They were especially peaceful in the morning, but even when we went back in the afternoon and more people were there, it was still so nice! The water was so gentle– I loved being able to walk out so far without getting more than waist-deep in the water. Nadia had a blast playing in the sand and splashing along the shoreline. She’s really the perfect age to enjoy the beach!
Lastly, we took a daytrip to Ponce which is another big city on the southern part of the island. Daniel’s aunt wanted us to go since that’s where Daniel’s father is from & we were able to visit his grave. We enjoyed seeing a statue with other “Fourquets” and of course exploring the rocky beach and historic part of the city.
There’s probably a lot I’m forgetting to share, but mostly I will remember the week for beautiful weather, fun times with family, and great food. We are already looking forward to our next visit to Puerto Rico!
It’s hard for me to believe Nadia is halfway to three years old, although Nadia often tells me that it’s “Almost my birthday.” I wanted to share some recent highlights, because I don’t think I’ll remember when it’s time to celebrate the next birthday.
Nadia loves going to daycare and especially loves the songs they sing during morning circle time. For months Nadia occasionally would say “Nadia Coop-a-day” and we could not figure out what she was talking about. It reminded me of the brief phase last year when she used the term “cracker” to describe anything she really liked, which included the book “Hop on Pop,” actual crackers, and a few other miscellaneous items.
Sometimes Daniel or I would reply, “Happy Coop-a-day Nadia,” but she would look at us like we were nuts and say “No happy coop-a-day.” Finally, a few weeks ago we cracked the code with a little more context from Nadia since she started added the names of her friends from daycare. Eventually, we realized she was singing a song:
“Nadia came to school today, school today, school today.
Nadia came to school today, we’re so happy to see you.
Hi, Nadia!”
When I told Nadia’s teacher about the mystery she laughed and confirmed that Nadia really enjoys singing. Her other current favorite songs to sing are “Itsy Bitsy Spider” and “Bringing Home a Baby Bumblebee.” When Nadia isn’t singing, it seems like she is often asking for Alexa (the speaker) to play a song.
Besides listening to music, Nadia loves reading and taking care of her baby dolls. We recently started going to the library on the weekends and Nadia loves picking out new books and each night we have to read the whole library stack! Sometimes that makes for pretty late nights!
Nadia is getting pretty good at putting diapers on her baby doll and will tell us that her baby pooped and run to get wipes and a new diaper. I thought we would be using less diapers since Nadia is mostly potty trained, but these babies are using a lot! Her baby dolls also get put down for naps, wrapped in blankets, and sometimes do silly things like try to brush Nadia’s teeth. It so cool to see her imagination at work.
Nadia really loves when we visit with family and she often talks about her cousin “baby Ellie.” At Christmas this year, Nadia finally got to meet her cousins Noah and Ava and she absolutely loved playing with them. Big cousin Noah was very patient with Nadia’s antics, I guess having a little sister helps! Nadia often asks when we’re going to see her cousins or grandparents.
Probably the biggest change has been switching from diapers to using the potty. After about a month of practicing with the potty and switching to underwear, it finally seems like we’re almost on the other side. Nadia is so proud of herself when she gets there in time, and is getting much better about the process. She’s still getting used to using public bathrooms and pooping in the potty, but I guess these are weird experiences!
After months of long walks through the trail in our neighborhood, now Nadia will ask to “walk to the river” to see the creek. It’s wild to see Nadia hiking on her own and the sheer joy to watch the water move around the bend.
The days still feel long, but what a fun adventure this has been!
December merriments are in full swing, and I’m trying my hardest to really chose the events that bring joy and skip the stuff that just adds to the stress. Lord knows this is a busy time to be a working parent.
After being pretty cooped up the last two years (in an abundance of caution for Nadia and out of consideration to the patients I serve), it has felt really nice to do “normal” stuff this season. So far we saw the Christmas lights at Lewis Ginter Botanical Garden, watched the Christmas Parade (a big hit even in the rain), strolled through the Jefferson Hotel to admire the really big Christmas tree, went to Yuletides at Agecroft Hall, and decorated sugar cookies. Seeing tacky light houses and making salt-dough ornaments are still on my bucket list for the season.
The hustle and bustle leading up to Christmas has a really different vibe as a single person vs. a couple vs. a parent to a young child. The Christmas caroling event in Church Hill was always one of my favorite Richmond traditions, and I looked up the details in hopes that I might go with friends this year. Turns out, it’s just really hard to find the motivation to go to an event that starts at 7:30 on a Friday after working all week and mom-ing through dinner time with a toddler. Instead, that evening, I enjoyed drinking eggnog with Daniel and watching Nadia play with her Little People Nativity. I look forward to being able to introduce Nadia to the caroling event in a few years when hopefully I’ll be less sleep deprived and pushing bedtime back to 10 will be no big deal.
I suppose that’s one lesson I’m learning in this season of life– accepting the gifts and challenges that come along, knowing full well the balance will change soon enough. There’s so many wonderful celebrations with a toddler, such as seeing Nadia delight in turning on the Christmas lights each morning, kissing one of the inflatable penguins in the front yard, and licking all the sprinkles off the cookies. Yet, I envy the free time I had in my earlier life. In year’s past I would have mapped out several cookie recipes so that I could deliver beautiful cookie trays to coworkers and family. Oh, the luxury of having hours to bake cookies while watching Love Actually!
Of course, I’ll probably still bake a batch of cookies and will enjoy letting Nadia help. I’ll realize that I can always make a “Christmas cookie” in January or February when I have an itch to bake during Nadia’s naptime. With any luck in another decade she will want to join me in the kitchen for a marathon of Christmas cookie baking.
For those who are Catholic, the gospel readings in advent often center on the theme of waiting– waiting for our savior to be born. This year I’m realizing that no matter what the season in life- we are all waiting. Waiting for the burdens of this world to be lifted from us. I can only imagine in heaven there will be endless hours for elaborate cookie baking, afternoons of window shopping in quaint shops (vs. 2-day delivery from Amazon), the snuggliest blankets for Christmas movie marathons, and endless visits with family and friends. Until then, I’ll do my part to accept that a “good enough” Advent and Christmas is plenty good enough.
It’s easy to remember the anniversary for the house, since I signed closing papers on Halloween, but holy cow the last five years went by FAST! With the way the housing market has changed, I feel so grateful we bought this house when we did. It has not always been easy having a mile long DIY to-do list, but it’s so satisfying to look around the house and feel proud that we have been able to make it our own! This year was the year of outdoor home improvements, namely with adding a deck and shed. We love having a place to enjoy the yard (and a space to corral the clutter).
Building the deck was a beast of a job, but somehow it all came together with some help this spring/ summer. We always envisioned adding a deck when we bought the house and it’s lived up to our expectations. It’s nice to be able to walk out the backdoor and have a place for Nadia to splash in the water table, throw a ball, etc. We enjoyed having dinner on the deck a few times and will certainly enjoy more of that next year!
Remembering Some of our Top Five Moments
Favorite Memories
Not necessarily in a particular order, but Daniel and I both agreed on these moments as feeling special, so here are in chronological order.
Celebrating Our First Christmas
I bought the house on Halloween, moved in Thanksgiving weekend, and the house was very much not “settled” by Christmas time, but we put up a tree and had recently painted the living room. That year we didn’t travel to Daniel’s family until after Christmas, and I remember spending a quiet Christmas morning before going to my parent’s house. It was a few months before our wedding, and it so special dreaming together about what our life would be like.
Our wedding day
I guess this is more of a special memory for me- as Daniel wasn’t at home and we slept at a hotel that night- but I have such good memories spending the morning of our wedding getting ready with my friends and family. I remember my nieces and nephew running around the house as the ladies got dressed and then walking up the driveway to get in the limo. Felt special to make that memory here!
Bringing home Nadia
It’s so cliché, but despite months of pregnancy it’s just hard to feel prepared coming home with a baby. I remember Nadia screaming as we took a picture at the front door- and taking inside the pink balloons my parents dropped off earlier. Once inside there were various elements of being in labor a few nights prior– candles around the bathtub and bedroom, a plate with a mostly eaten PB&J, and last minute items taken out of the suitcase. That afternoon, I remember laying in bed, staring at Nadia, crying. I wasn’t sad, but in awe. After a long journey to conceive, I was finally at home with my healthy baby girl. Our lives changed forever, in the best possible way.
Sledding with Nadia
This spring we had one final snow day very late in the season. I think the forecast called for a dusting, but we got about four inches instead. We had a blast pulling Nadia in her sled up and down the hill. She was laughing and had such a good time. I can’t wait for more snow days in this house!
Trick-or-Treating
This year we took Nadia trick-or-treating in the neighborhood. Last year we dressed up and took an early walk, but at the time Nadia wasn’t walking and really was too young for candy. Nadia had so much fun learning the routine of walking up to a house, ringing the doorbell, and saying trick-or-treat. It was so fun seeing other families out walking with their kids and getting to visit neighbors. Nadia’s favorite items were a glow sick, goldfish crackers, and apple sauce.
Remembering Some of the Weirdest Wildlife Moments
I think it’s universally understood that if you don’t live in Richmond Southside, you probably don’t like Southside! One patient at work was surprised to hear that I live in Southside, saying something like “but there are so many bugs and animals there.” While, I do love our home, I was not prepared for the volume and variety of wildlife that we would see. Most days a large family of deer walk through our backyard while they drink from the creek and eat all of my flowers. A few times each year we see red neck woodpeckers, and occasionally we see eagles, coyotes, owls, etc. Mostly, it’s fun being so close to nature, and yet in the city limits, but there have been a few totally crazy incidents.
Snake
Snakes really creep me out, but slowly I have gotten more adjusted to the occasional snake siting while gardening since it’s a fairly frequent occurrence at this house. One evening, I was in the basement getting ready to walk upstairs, when I realized the cable line to the TV was moving. Disgusting! Daniel didn’t believe me initially, but of course realized that our black cable line doesn’t move. I don’t know what I would do without Daniel, he managed to trap the snake inside a plastic tub and release it outside. The next day at work, I told my boss and she said “And you’re not selling your house? How can you live like that?” and we both laughed.
Hornet
Daniel was working in his office in the evening and began to hear a loud buzzing sound and then sees a huge (1-2 inch) hornet fly into his office. Somehow I got dragged into helping and decided the safest thing to do was to wear my puffiest winter coat for protection. It literally took an hour of turning off lights, using a flashlight to lure the hornet outside, spraying it with wasp spray, and several rounds of losing the hornet only to realize it was hiding in various corners. Eventually it landed on the curtain rod after being hit multiple times by “instant kill hornet spray” and Daniel was able to open the window and shake it outside. It took a long time to settle down and sleep that night!
Frog
Many of you know Nadia was due 10 days after her due date. At least a week past my due date a frog came in through the backdoor and we chased it around the basement but never managed to catch it (later we found it in a mouse trap, poor thing). That night when I went to bed I though “What a fun story- I’ll tell the baby we chased a frog around the basement the night you were born.” Of course, I didn’t go into labor for several more days. It was a wasted frog tragedy!
Biggest Wolf Spider
I got home from work to start a load of laundry before getting Nadia from daycare, when I saw my life flash before my eyes. Well, not exactly, but I did see a spider that was at least the size of a baseball (including legs)! I screamed so loud the spider ran out of the hallway into the closet and I ran upstairs. I called Daniel on the way to daycare and asked him to take care of it when he got home. Imagine my surprise when he told me “I didn’t see it.” I’m pretty sure I said I wasn’t coming home until that spider was gone, and sure enough he found it. This spider was so big that you could hear clicking sounds as it was walking and when Daniel tried sweeping at it with the broom, it didn’t run away, but fought back! He got it out of the house by running it outside while it was climbing up the broom to attack him.
Wren
One night after Nadia went to bed I looked in the hallway and realized a bird was flying through our hallway. Of course I got Daniel and we spent a long time chasing the bird– it landed on several perches (lamps) around the house, and we kept opening the door and gesturing with a broom. Eventually we didn’t see or hear the bird so we figured it must have left and we decided to go to bed (triple checking Nadia’s door was closed). The next morning we went downstairs only to realize the bird was still in the house- eventually the bird got the memo and went out the back door.
So it’s been a lot of good times and some very weird times these last five years. I’m proud to say we now have a quarterly service package with pest control, so hopefully the critter stories will be more sparce for the next five years. One can dream right?
Happy second birthday sweet Nadia rose. It feels like it was just the other day when your dad announced you were a healthy girl, and yet it’s hard to remember our home without you in it. It feels like we have gotten to rediscovered the little joys of life with you this year. The simple pleasure of savoring favorite foods: yoyo (yogurt), berries, cheese, noo-noos (noodles), walking outside, blowing bubbles, listening to favorite stories, and getting drenched by the garden hose. You truly are happiest playing outside or reading a big stacks of books. Sometimes we get sick of reading the same books, but I’m amazed by how many of your books you are starting to memorize. You are so smart!
After many endless nights of singing and rocking you to sleep, you are now serenading us with “baby shark,” “twinkle twinkle” and “row, row, row your boat.” One of these days maybe you won’t freeze up when I try to take a video of you singing. When you’re not singing, you love telling us about everything you see. This summer has been an explosion of language, and it’s so awesome to hear you talk!
The last couple of months, you have made it your job to take care of your baby doll. It’s so sweet watching you bring toys to your baby or tuck her in with a blanket. I hope one day you will get to be a big sister!
You were born in the middle of a pandemic and spent so much time in our little bubble your first year. It felt like we played catch up most of this year trying to navigate outings with a little one. I really love watching you play at the playground. After a very hot summer, I’m looking forward to cool autumn mornings at the playground this fall. Going to church is quite the experience with you! Too much energy to be contained in one pew- you love to run up to the alter or play peekaboo in the doorway to the choir staircase. Now that you’re talking sometimes you say “yay” at the end of a prayer and it’s hard not to laugh. There’s a little statue of Jesus outside of the rectory, you love to walk up and say “up high” to Jesus.
The beach and hikes have been favorite family outings this year. On our last beach day this summer you had the time of your life playing in the sand and dumping buckets of water. Even though you were afraid of swimming in the water, eventually you discovered the joy of standing on the shore and waiting for the waves to reach the sand.
You don’t seem interested in using the potty yet, but you recently learned the word “fart” and that’s been a game changer. Now if dad or I want to check your diaper for poop you say “fart” letting us know your diaper is still clean (although sometimes you fib). Who would have guessed the importance of the word “fart?” I’m sure you will learn to use the potty this year, but I’m in no rush. Your diapers seem like the only “baby” thing about you. While I’m excited to see the girl you are growing up to be, I miss the many hours I used to spend nursing and snuggling you as a baby.
In May you mostly switched to sleeping longer stretches at night (thank goodness). I finally stopped nursing you back to sleep in June and for awhile we spent many a night having a special snack in the middle of the night. Those were long nights (and days) but I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Most of the time when you wake up at night you go back to sleep on your own and I honestly feel amazed. When did my baby grow up? Do you even need me anymore? (Of course you do!).
Also, you have developed an elaborate ritual of loading your crib with several books, your baby doll, her blanket, a cup of water, and sometimes a stuffed animal. We try to tell you your crib is too full, but you explain there’s plenty of space in the corners. We joke you treat your crib like an Egyptian tomb, no telling what you might need between 8:30pm- 6:00am.
No doubt you love routines, cleaning up, and have a lot of ideas about how the world should work. I think we have a lot of adventures and negotiations to look forward to this year.
We chose to celebrate you this year with trains, because lately you love all things that go! We took you to Burke Lake Park to ride the train and got a train table for us to play with at home. Grammy, Papa, Aunt Jessica, Uncle Matt and August joined us for pizza and donuts (you still don’t really like cake and ice cream). The weekend after your birthday you got to practice trick-or-treating at daycare and we went out of town for apple picking and fall fun!
I wrote this post back in July but never got around to sharing it. It feels weird to talk about breastfeeding, and yet it was such a special experience.
This may be the last time Last time I lay here with you. . .
When the last time was our last time Should’ve told you that the last time comes too soon
-Father John Misty, Goodbye Mr. Blue
First latch
I was driving to work while Goodbye Mr. Blue started playing and I was caught by the haunting loop of Father John Misty singing “Should’ve told you that the last time comes too soon.” There I was on I95 ready to cry thinking about the end of my breastfeeding journey with Nadia. Throughout my workday I kept humming the tune, finally someone had given the words I couldn’t find for myself. Somehow the last time did come too soon. Honestly, when I asked Daniel to take that picture of us nursing, I did not believe it would be the last time– I probably would have brushed my hair or picked a special outfit, maybe tidied up our room.
Last latch- this wasn’t the picture I envisioned, but to be fair it did seem like Daniel deserved to be in the picture in the role of “my breastfriend” these last few months.
My original goal was to breastfeed exclusively for her first year, but it seemed Nadia’s goal was to nurse forever. We had to compromise with stopping a week or so shy of turning 20 months. Despite how much effort it took to wean over several months, it really feels sad for that part of our relationship to be over.
While her birth separated us into two separate beings, in many ways we stayed connected over the next year and a half through breastfeeding. I never bothered feeding on a schedule, so in those early days I literally nursed her every hour or two throughout the day and night. She seemed so cozy resting in my arms after feeding. Boobs were the answer to her 99 problems.
In the second half of our nursing journey, I claimed my half of the bed as our nursing zone. When it was time to nurse, I would dim the nights and lay down with her and wrap up with a favorite blanket. After turning one, slowly but surely our nursing times turned into something before bedtime and when she came home after daycare. Although, I didn’t love the forceful demands of “milk” when we walked in the house, it was kind of nice to have a reason to lay down in bed with her for a few minutes when we got home. It’s so easy for me busy with the endless tasks around the house, that it really was helpful to have those reminders to stop and snuggle.
Since weaning, Nadia sometimes asks for milk with her sign for breastfeeding (rubbing her thumb and first two fingers together), but she is generally okay when I say, “milk went away.” A few times she took my hand to walk me upstairs so we could lay down in my bed while she ate her afterschool snack; that just seemed so sweet to me. At night, when she wakes up, she now calls out for “mama” and “crackers.” It’s those trips to the kitchen for crackers at 2:00am when I really miss breastfeeding!
Breastfeeding has been such a strong part of my identity as a mother; and yet when I think about our future together this phase was just a drop in the bucket. While there were days and weeks when it felt like I never had any personal space, it now feels weird to not always been “needed” in that way. I still see her reading the picture book I bought her about weaning and she will point to the mother in the pictures and say “mama.”
I wonder what other “last times” we will face and if they will feel “too soon” as well, but all I know is that today I feel satisfied knowing I did a beautiful thing for my little girl for as long as I possibly could.
Eleven years ago, I moved to Richmond to get a Master’s degree in Social Work at VCU. I didn’t know many Social Workers, in fact I only discovered a close family friend was a Social Worker when I shared my plans to apply for the MSW program at VCU. While Social Workers never seemed particularly smart or glamourous in movies or TV shows, I hoped that it would be something I was good at it, that I would enjoy it, and that someone would pay me a reasonable amount of money to do it.
In college, I studied Art History. I loved surrounding myself with beauty and unraveling the stories these tangible objects told. Analyzing art taught me how to truly observe and search for meaning. While I loved admiring art, I realized that art tells the story of people and since I had no intention to get a Ph.D it made sense to switch gears to focus on the stories of people directly. After spending a year in the shoes of a Special Education teacher, I knew the classroom was not for me. What if I got tired of school politics? I needed a career that could weather a lot of changes without getting another degree.
For me, Social Work was never a direct calling, but instead seemed like the last door open after contemplating an academic career in the arts, teaching, and the many different facets of “mental health professionals.” During grad school I certainly liked my classmates and professors and I felt excited to be a Social Worker, but I could not fully grasp what the field would entail or where it would take me.
Eleven years later, Social Work took me to a bittersweet story of a gifted “old lady” purse. Without risking that I forgot this moment, it seems fitting to try on my former Art Historian hat to admire the layers of beauty in this object.
It started with a call Friday afternoon. It had been a busy day and my desk was filled with a mountain of paperwork; I was annoyed to get another call once again interrupting my train of thought. It was a coworker, telling me the husband of a recently deceased patient was outside and asked for me. I walked briskly and looked outside to see his big truck parked at our back door.
I was struck by his smile that day. I met him and his wife in 2021 when COVID masking precautions were well-established, and I realized I never saw him without a mask. He had the kind of smile that just radiated the goodness of his heart. He wiped sweat off his forehead explaining he just returned from the dump. He decided it was time to start going through his belongings; one the many tasks he put off when he donned the role of his wife’s caregiver. I fell into my old role of nagging him to make sure he rested and asked if someone from church could help on his next dump trip.
He was never one to talk much about his needs, and instead reached into the backseat to point to several brand-new leather purses sealed in plastic wrapping. He said, “You know my wife loved this purse. She carried it every day, so I bought it in every color. She didn’t have a chance to use these ones and I want you to have one. Carry it with you and you will be carrying her with you too. She loved you, she loved all of you at the dialysis center.”
Who would have guessed a dated brown leather purse could be so beautiful? That afternoon when I got home, I took off the packaging and Nadia carried it around the room beaming with pride. It brought back warm memories of many conversations with my patient; she loved hearing about Nadia. She would love to see the joy her purse brought my little girl.
After two long years of working in healthcare during a pandemic and a decade of Social Work practice, I realize it is these moments that keep me in the field. It is knowing that my seemingly insignificant conversations with an elderly woman and her husband were in fact meaningful. It reminds me of how important it is to not simply do my assessments, but to transform the tedious tasks into opportunities to engage and connect with people; to truly walk along the painful path of chronic illness and end-of-life care.
I still miss my patient. I miss stopping in her dialysis station to hear about her daytrips spent antiquing or talk about her menu for the upcoming family meal on Sunday. I miss her stories of finding love in her second marriage and living her best life in retirement. Up until the pandemic, she was still taking an annual girl’s trip to Myrtle Beach. She was a woman who knew how to live until, at last, she didn’t.
Rest in peace, dear patient. I promise to carry you with me.
