In honor of World Breastfeeding week, I thought I would share some of my ponderings from these last 9 months of my milky mama life. I also want to preface this by saying that I know that some people (actually about 60% of women) plan/hope to breastfeed their child for a longer period than they are able to for various reasons. By no means do I think I am a better mom for breastfeeding, but breastfeeding has been a huge part of my identity as a mom. Also, did you know that a year of breastfeeding equals about 1,800 hours? A full time job with 3 weeks of vacation equates to 1,060 hours per year… so let’s just say it’s been a labor of love!
In the Beginning
I still feel so incredibly lucky that within minutes of being born, Nadia latched without effort. So many moms and babies struggle, and I felt so blessed that it was so easy for us. The first few days at the hospital felt magical—my body fed Nadia in the womb and seamlessly transitioned to breastfeeding.
Then one morning I woke up at home and it was like overnight I was transformed into a very tired Dolly Parton. This was followed by several weeks of waking up dressed for a wet tee shirt contest. It didn’t take long to realize that breastfeeding is not a glamourous affair. There were days when I felt so “touched out,” but those milk drunk smiles kept me going.
While pregnant I spent so much time learning about labor and pregnancy, but I really didn’t think much about breastfeeding. I knew my mom and sister breastfed babies and it just seemed like the normal thing to do. I didn’t realize that breastfeeding is a 24/7 job. I had no clue that mamas can’t be apart from their baby for more than an hour in the beginning (hello cluster feeding) and no more than 2-4 hours with an older baby (without pumping or risking a clogged duct). Breastfeeding would be so much easier if you could just push a button and close shop for a day or two.
Nadia was diagnosed with a cow milk protein allergy when she was 6 weeks old. This meant I had to give up dairy from my diet or switch to dairy-free/ hypoallergenic formula. Obviously I survived, but it wasn’t the easiest time to make a major diet change. The few times I slipped up this year, Nadia had week long flair-ups and I felt so guilty. It was also hard getting pressure from the pediatrician to supplement or switch to formula because Nadia dropped from the 40th percentile at birth to the 20th percentile at her two month check-up. I’m so glad I trusted my gut, completed my dairy detox (and did daily diaper counts to make sure she was properly hydrated.
Back to Work: Nursing, Pumping and More
Pumping is an interesting experience too. It didn’t occur to me that my pumping windows might fall during scheduled meetings at work. It’s been interesting to share “sorry I have to break now to pump’ or tell a patient “I’m going to need to follow up with you an a half hour.” And don’t get me started on making work calls while pumping— it’s the worst! I always wonder– what does the caller think the background noise is?
Everyone builds a maternity wardrobe but no one really mentioned getting nursing/ pumping clothes (beyond a few nursing bras). It didn’t occur to me that I wouldn’t be able to wear any of my dresses because I don’t particularly like stripping to nurse! Before going back to work I realized that 90% of my wardrobe had basically no access for pumping at work. So that was interesting, especially in COVID times when dressing rooms were closed and my body just birthed a human and therefore was a whole different size/ shape!
Likewise, I felt like I got a lot of information about breastfeeding in the early days, but I didn’t know much about how breastfeeding changes as baby ages. I miss the newborn days of listening to podcasts or reading while nursing. Now, I basically have to lay down in a dark, quiet room or Nadia will get too excited to nurse. She hates to feel like she’s missing out on the fun!
It’s also been interesting navigating questions on how long I will breastfeed. On the one hand, I think it’s great to talk about breastfeeding (and normalize breastfeeding), but I was surprised by how many people felt the need to offer weaning advice. Some seemed to think breastfeeding was sweet with newborns and gross with older babies (heaven forbid a toddler!). Some thought that once solids were introduced breastmilk no longer mattered (nope– babies need breastmilk/ formula as their primary nutrition through age one). Some were concerned that I couldn’t possibly nurse once I had a baby with teeth. Now, to be fair biting isn’t fun, but a few rounds of unlatching and “No, Nadia!” seemed to mostly kill her curiosity.
Every so often I think about the Seinfeld episode where Elaine mistakenly sends a Christmas card with her nipple showing. It feels like most of the time I’m home I’m either breastfeeding, about to breastfeed, or recently stopped. This creates the perfect storm to take a selfie with Nadia only to realize my nipple is showing. Thank god none of these pictures are making the Christmas card!
So, while I was wildly unprepared for the journey, I have loved breastfeeding. I hope to do it again with future babies and honestly, I will be sad when I wean Nadia. That said, it seems really exciting to wear an outfit and not worry about boob access or to go to sleep without a bra without waking up in a puddle.
Lastly, a list of shout-outs that make breastfeeding sustainable:
Science– Learning about breastmilk really motivated me to keep nursing. It has so many magical properties and the antibodies given through breastmilk gave me a lot of peace during the stressful transition of returning to work prior to being eligible for my COVID-19 vaccine.
Cute nursing/ pumping friendly clothes– If you think about how much formula costs, it’s really a no-brainer to spend some money on clothes that are practical and make me feel like the cute mama I am (as opposed to the old cow I feel like!). Also, it feels really good supporting small businesses owned by women.
Pumping/ nursing combo bras- I LOVE Kindred Bravely’s Sublime nursing/ pumping combo bra. I can’t say enough good things about this bra– supportive and comfortable for all-day wear. Easily transition from pumping to nursing throughout the day.
Cute pictures while nursing– It’s an experience and journey like no other. I treasure pictures Daniel took of us. While the end feels never in sight now, I also realize it’s such a short phase in the big picture.
All the water and all the (dairy-free) snacks– No one warned me how thirsty and hungry I would be. I didn’t realize lactating mamas need more calories than a 3rd trimester mom, about 500 per day! Nuts, granola bars, peanut butter, fruit and oreos got me through a lot of hungry days.
Support from other breastfeeding mamas- I was so lucky to be breastfeeding at the same time as a close friend to have someone to talk about the day-to-day ups and downs. I also got a lot of support from meeting with lactation consultants and connecting to breastfeeding mamas on instagram and the milky mamas facebook group.
So to all my other current and former milky mamas, Happy World Breastfeeding week. Our bodies are amazing!
Comments are closed.